Friday, January 20, 2006

Candidate Speech: Losing dreams

Alright, why is it that Im again writing my diary? Well, Im quite confused on whatto prioritize in my tasks. I was so confused on what to do... especially with theInternet Mapping of the Philippines. It's not only the work that's bothering me a lot -- my love life, my family, my future career, and everything!!! So whoami? Well, Im still the ordinary personwho graduated from college with the help of DOST scholarship. Im still the guy who have lived a spartan life just to finish my studies... Most of all, Im stillthat simple person who has been accustomed to an ordinary life way back when Istill don't have a job. But now, there are so many things that pre-occupies mymind and it seems not necessarily needed... things which I can also live withoutbut graving to have and do it...Just last week, I spent my money to buy a refrigerator. I spent the money only tonotice that my family is much more in need than a house appliance. Im quite sadto know that my mother has been longing to have our own house in Bicol... but howcan I build a house in just a small monthly salary? Whenever I think of my incapa-bilities to help my family and my luxurious and easy life here in Manila, I couldn't help but cry or stay freezed looking very far away...I know I should not be asking too much when in fact I don't deserve to have it.If God wants me to help my family, He will help me. The desire to be a worthychild and worthy researcher lies beneath my hear but I just can't grab it easily.There are so many factors like self-desire (wasting money without good reason).One thing I also notice in myself is that Im losing my dreams. Before, my brainwas filled with hope and dreams, but now its filled with selfishness and unnecesarrylucrity. Whenever I reminisce my past, I feel so sad thinking I can no longer getback my old self. Oh my God, am i really destined to have this kind of life? when I was still in high school, I always pray that I God would permit me to bea Valedictorian, I would be very happy, I would be a good child, I would love myfamily, and I would surrender myself as one of His servants. Time came when I wasalready struggling college, I said "Lord, last na po talaga itong hihilingin ko...makatapaos lang po ako ng college, happy na po ako." And I got what I asked forand much more than that. But still, I want to experience new things so I said "Lord, sana po payagan nyo ako ma-experience ang magandang buhay kahit sandali lang".Now, I thought I've somehow got what Im looking for but I can no longer controlmy self now. Now, what would I say to God? When I guested at 32nd MHS Graduation Exercises, I have come to realize my goodold dreams. I realize what Im doing right now is not leading to those goals thatonce helped me persevere in my studies. These are:1. Send Rammel to college.2. Build a house in Manito, Albay.3. Establish an ECE/IT related business in Manito, Albay.4. Dobate a building in Manito High School.So now I know what to ask for... >>Read more


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